Post by: Anthony Fanelli (Twitter: @Anthony_Fanelli)
Super Bowl Sunday is officially (by my standards) more of a commercialized and recognized “holiday” than most other real holidays; including but not limited to Flag Day, President’s Day, Martin Luther King Day, Memorial Day and Labor Day. What does that say about us as a country? Well, frankly that we are unpatriotic yuppies only out for ourselves. But whatever it’s SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! And yes, although it is about the game, the Super Bowl is an experience instead of just one football game. With everything from new commercials, highly advertised National Anthems and half-time shows; the football game part of the Super Bowl is slowly being thrown on the back-burner. This experience is a time for family, friends, food, fun, commercials, and maybe even a little bit of football.
Since, the percentage of people that truly understand the sport of football (if you can tell me the whole route tree or the differences between cover 2 and 3 then we’ll talk) is even slimmer than the ones that actually have played it, you will usually get a crazy melting pot of people with different point of views of what they are perceiving. Also, although the (Leslie) Nielsen ratings have yet to turn out, one can just assume that all walks of life participated and threw in their two cents in one way or another for tonight’s Super Bowl.
If you happened to be at an over amped party of the year like I was, then you more than likely came across a few type of people there watching the game with you:
Person 1: Walt – Walt is the Uncle Rico of the group who could be starting for either the 49ers or Ravens if only his high school coach’s son wasn’t on his team. When Vernon Davis catches a ball, we ALLLL KNOW you caught a ball versus central on JV that one year. Please remind us of it.
Person 2: Tim – Tim is the host of this party. He goes all out every year and loves his football. But more than that he loves the fact that everyone comes to his place once a year. He breathes 95% of the time out of his mouth and his house has a distinct odor to it. Not good or bad for that matter, just distinct. But, he does have the cool house and just the right amount of OCD nature to keep it clean for friends; and friends of friends to come on over. Just make sure you RSVP’d via facebook or through his Evite though he’s going to be pissed that he didn’t have a seventh bag of Tostitos.
Person 3: Sarah – Sarah is so hot and for some reason she is with your buddy that still thinks chinstrap beards are the in (This Guy). Sarah is great to look at in general but thanks to her Super Bowl attire she has become what my friend Pat Huse refers to as jersey hot (This Girl). Attention girls: wearing a small tight fitting t-shirt with a sports logo on it is very hot and a guaranteed conversation starters for future husband and creepers alike. So, be aware of what you’re putting out there, but also know that we love it.
Person 4: Fred. Fred, is the degenerate gambler of the group who is the dummy taking bets on how many times they will show Jim and John Harbaugh’s Dad during the game. This is the guy we all love to watch lose. He is the Eddie Mush of your group. Whatever he bets, bet the opposite and you’re a lock.
Now, instead of going into an in-depth analysis of the actual game, let’s just go through five important aspects of the experience in general and I’ll let you know what these four people were thinking/saying at this time.
1. The Coin Toss
2. The First Touchdown of the Game
4. The Blackout
5. The Win
*Yes, obviously there’s more, but for the sake of me wanting to sleep, that’s all we’re discussing now.
1.The Coin Toss: Ah, the special time where the captains, the leaders of the best of the best walk out to see who gets the ball first and who is going to defend. Usually four captains per team and a referee or two are there. But this is the fucking Super Bowl. Also included at the 50 yard line were this year’s Hall of Fame inductees, a lot more refs, cameramen in night running style yellow vests and other random dudes in suits; I think I saw Mr. Echo out there from Lost or something. Anyways, way too many peeps ya’ll. The coin is then described in great detail to these grown men recalling the learning curve from Idiocracy thanks to Jerome Bettis’ coin toss flub heard round the world (COULD NOT FIND THE CLIP!). Ok, just flip the damn thing. Ravens win the toss and defer. Niners get the ball.
Walt: My youth team went seven and o in sixth grade guys. We won every toss. Not even kidding. Every toss!
Tim: OK, cool! Game has started. The party is officially underway.
Sarah: That ref reminds me of the Ladies Man.
Fred: Fuck! I took the Niners winning the toss. Out fifty already.
2. The 1st Touchdown of the Game: The Niners took the opening kick-off and went 3 plays for negative 3 yards. The Ravens answered after a punt with a 7 play, 51 yard touchdown drive capped by a 13-yard pass from Delaware’s pride Joe Flacco to Anquan Boldin. Oh and all of this happened in the first 4 minutes and 18 seconds.
Walt: Boldin is the man! That was a simple seam route up the middle and Willis couldn’t match in the Tampa two D. Same thing happen to my boy Jerry against Aquinas junior year.
Tim: Guys, not to be a bother here or anything, but could we use coasters? I’m cool and enjoy a solid ring on my coffee table as much as the next guy, but seriously coasters guys!
Sarah: Is that his real name?
Fred: Shit, I took the under.
3. Beyonce: Beyonce is so hot, so talented and so kind (I am 150% sure she is the only one that lobbied to bring 2/3 of the last edition of Destiny’s Child on stage for the world’s biggest concert). That woman blows.my.mind! Seriously, I have no idea how or why, but I know more Beyonce songs by heart than I know family member’s birthdays.
Walt: Beyonce is unreal.
Sarah: I love her.
Fred: I took the over on boners I would get. Finally won one.
4. The Blackout: Uh, someone just got fired. Seriously? 34 minutes of blackout during America’s biggest day! That is unbelievable. The NFL is “investigating.” How does the ENTIRE STADIUM POWER GO OUT! It’s not plugged into one socket like in Christmas Vacation here. This was a calculated situation! I mean come on, I’ve seen enough movies where I know there are back-up generators for the back-up generators. Now we’re going to have put a big fat Bonds’esque asterisks next to this game if the Niners pull it off because we all know it was an LSU affiliated Kappa Sig hazing prank gone awry. Goddamn frat bros!
Walt: You guys wanna go outside and throw a few?
Tim: We good on drinks?
Sarah: I don’t get it?
Fred: Ten to one it’s only out for ten minutes.
5. Game Ends: Ted Ginn apparently didn’t think pitching it to anyone was a good idea! Ravens win! Ray Lewis cries! Harbaugh brothers fake congratulate each other! Flacco says “fuckin’ awesome” loud enough for all to here! Vegas wins everything!
Sarah: Puppy Bowl please.
See you all next year!
Post by: Anthony Fanelli (Twitter: @Anthony_Fanelli)