Spiffy Horoscopes


By Champagne Star



Dates: March 21 – April 19

Element: Fire


If it’s your birthday this month, have fun, but avoid drunk texting, and remember, Facebook doesn’t need to see selfies of you spewing.



Dates: April 20 – May 20

Element: Earth


Don’t make any rash moves. Anything you do that leave you with a rash, is probably a bad idea.



Dates: May 21 – June 20

Element: Air


Still thinking about that penis enlargement? Don’t waste you money; it’s all about how you use it.



Dates: June 21 – July 22

Element: Water


Sore hand? Maybe you really should try asking out the person you like.



Dates: July 23 – August 22

Element: Fire


Thinking about a change? Go for it. No one likes underwear worn too many days in a row.



Dates: August 23 – September 22

Element: Earth


Looking for love? Dogs never disappoint. No room for a dog, the get a fish, they don’t judge you.



Dates: September 23 – October 22

Element: Air


You’re in for an exciting month, even if it’s all in your own mind.



Dates: October 23 – November 21

Element: Water


Watch out for an opportunity. It might not be yours, but watch out anyway.



Dates: November 22 – December 21

Element: Fire


Try to avoid stepping on bubblegum. That stuff is a bitch to get off the bottom of your shoe.



Dates: December 22 – January 19

Element: Earth


Remember to turn your phone off during any movies you go to this month. No one wants to hear your ringtone during a sex scene.



Dates: January 20 – February 18

Element: Air


Avoid watching too much Pornhub. Or too little. Just the right amount is perfect.



Dates: February 19 – March 20

Element: Water


Trying wearing your pants over your underpants this month. Then repeat for the rest of the year. Everyone will thank you.




About author


Spiffycats Magazine, a men's magazine featuring pictures of beautiful women and articles in entertainment and other interests.

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