Want to know what is the riskiest way to start a sentence when you’re with your girlfriend?
‘She’s… *insert complimentary word*’
Praising another woman (or God forbid your ex) in front of your current girlfriend is always a tricky one. And by tricky I mean, ‘likely to cause you physical harm’.
Physical compliments will nearly always get you a raised eyebrow; because they tap into our deepest insecurities as women that you’re more attracted to another person. Most of us kind of know that you may occasionally check out girls-in-tight-jeans in the street; and even google some choice xxx we may not approve of. But commenting on another woman’s appearance to our face will irk all but the most self assured girls.
In fact, even complimenting another woman’s personality may cause an ‘oh really?’ stare.
Now, I’m not trying to say that it’s ok for women to flip out at any compliment you may choose to give to another girl- but it is a reaction that’s worth knowing how to deal with:
Ground Zero: In the moment you see her giving you the *did you just say that?* look it’s worth trying to flip your compliment to another woman into a back handed compliment to her:
“Sally’s an awesome cook… too bad I only like girl’s who know how to burn my toast just the way I like it!”
“She has really amazing legs… though I’ve always been a sucker for petite girls.”
Repositioning your comment to give her the attention, and validation, she craves will soothe her knee-jerk reaction. Keeping your tone teasing will also help to alter the tone of the conversation from ‘humph’ to ‘haha’.
After Care: Try to see your girlfriend’s grumble as an expression of her insecurities instead of an outright attack on you.
If she’s recently felt less confident in her appearance, or found out you had a past affair (or a very sexy ex) then cut her a little slack to express herself. Work to make her feel loved and sexy. Simple things like occasionally greeting her with a ‘hey gorgeous’ and bigger projects like encouraging her to do more activities independently of you – and hopefully building some self esteem in the process- should create a buffer of self assurance so that she won’t freak next time.
Future Prevention: In a 100% healthy relationship your girlfriend should really be cool with you complimenting another woman.
So early on in the dating phase if she ‘huffs’ about you praising another girl, then state to her clearly, “Babe, there’s no need to frown about me complimenting another woman- you should know by now I like you, and that I find how confident you are (most of the time) very sexy.”
It is ok for you to state what is acceptable behaviour, and what isn’t; but do it in a way that is also an expression of your intention towards her ie. that you’re into her so she doesn’t need to worry about you finding other women attractive.
This helps sets a precedent for the whole relationship that she should act in a self assured, ‘cool’ way when you compliment another woman: because it is her confidence as your girlfriend that you find most attractive.
Get this right- and you should be able to say the words ‘She’s very…’ without preparing ducking for cover straight afterwards!
If you want to learn more about how you can have better, happier, stronger relationships with your lady then check out http://hayleyquinn.com
Written by Hayley Quinn