Ask a female PUA coach: Hayley Quinn on why most compliments suck

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coworkers-flirtingI HATE most of the compliments men give: because they just don’t have the effect the guy expects or wants.Why? Because a compliment given the wrong way makes you seem weak, and makes the girl feel either:

–          Awkward  and uncomfortable.

–          Arrogant and dismissive.

In fact giving a compliment the wrong way, is a key problem I see as a female PUA trainer tons of guys, month in month out, tripping up on.

 

Compliments can be direct and sexy: but they can also come across as weak and needy.

So how do you avoid the woman you approach feeling awkward or arrogant? How do you give a compliment that has the right effect? Where she thinks:

‘He totally gets me: I want to know more about him…’

Let’s tackle each problem one by one.

First of all why would a woman feel uncomfortable when you’re trying to be nice to her? Well, probably because she feels that you didn’t really mean what you said. This happens when you give a compliment that’s:

–          Too generic

–          Too centred on physical appearance.

Something like:

“I really like your eyes”

Will not make her gush… instead she’ll think you’re just into her for her ‘eyes’ (read *legs*), and that she’s heard it all before.

Overcome this by making your compliment:

–          Specific

–          Make it personal by focusing on her behaviour/ personality if possible

“I really like the way you roll your eyes every time I pay you a compliment.”

“I like how you’ve done your eye shadow with those little dots: it’s very unusual.”

“I like how you’re still smiling despite the fact you’re on a late shift: you must be very well motivated.”

Now the things about paying a SPECIFIC and PERSONAL compliment- is that you shouldn’t pay them too often.

This brings us to problem two: over complimenting women will make them think that you are DESPERATE to win their affection, and will make them feel SUPERIOR to you, rather than just pleasantly flattered.

Think about it: if you have tons of something (money, time, girlfriends) you probably don’t value it that much.

Giving a girl compliment after compliment, enthusing endlessly about her life, nodding frantically and beaming just because she’s talking to you only says one thing:

“I am so happy that you’re taking the time to speak to me.”

She should be so lucky that she’s got a great guy like you flirting with her!

Avoid over praising her by cutting down on tons of meaningless compliments, and replacing with just one or two really personal compliments.

Two neat tricks to do this are:

–          Compliment yourself at the same time you compliment her: and show how you relate to her as a person.

“It’s cool that you’re into fitness: one of my favourite things is waking up in the morning and going for a run, the colder outside the better!”

–          Compliment her but express a sincere interest in her at the same time.

“It’s cool that you’re into fitness: so are you a yoga lover or one of those people that spends about an hour pounding on the treadmill?”

By RELATING yourself to her, you can find common ground, and show how you are a great match.

Be SINCERE by showing a genuine interest in her as a person.

So if you want to pay a compliment that makes her feel intrigued, not arrogant; attracted, not awkward, then keep it:

–          SPECIFIC

–          PERSONAL

–          RELATABLE

–          SINCERE

And start using compliments that have the effect you want.

If you have any topics that you want female PUA Coach Hayley Quinn to answer on, or if you want help getting the women you want, then check out http://hayleyquinn.com

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Spiffy

Spiffycats Magazine, a men's magazine featuring pictures of beautiful women and articles in entertainment and other interests.

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